This was my goal list for last week…

Business Goals

• Biggest goal – to get back into the swing of designing again. I’m still making this a priority goal.  I did okay last week but need to keep this front and center as a goal.  I’m trying to get at least 3 days of active designing in somewhere… hoping that will be a 5 day thing down the road.
  SORT OF - Still working on this one.  Didn’t get 3 days of designing in this week – only one.  I am really trying to make this a priority.
• Rework, refresh and stock 2 of my oldies.
  SORT OF – Got one oldie reworked and stocked.  I did get my Pick Ur Bits paper pack previewed and uploaded.  So I got two products uploaded… but only one oldie refreshed..
• Break out my design stuff from my personal blog.  At least I’d like to have the new blog installed and design things moved over.
  SORT OF – I got the blog installed at least.  But didn’t get farther than that.

Personal Goals

• Stay on track with my cool running – M-W-F
  DONE!
• Do 30 minutes of aerobic walking on T-Th (we’ll see how this one goes)
  NOPE
• Sit outside for an hour every day and read.  I’d like to finish the ChiWalking book. This one might be easier since I’ll get some time during swimming lessons to sit out and read.
  SORT OF - Some days rained and I didn’t get outside.  I also only got halfway through ChiWalking.
• Clean something every day for 30 minutes.
  SORT OF - I did this two of the 5 days.  LOL!
• Work more on Dan’s room.
  NOPE

Hmm… only one blue goal this past week… This week was the first week of camp… and next week we’ll have double sessions in the morning.  I think for my goals this week, I need to keep that into consideration.  Basically my mornings for the most part are shot.  I did blog this week and do my running so I stayed on track with those things.   I think I also lost some focus on the afternoons that I was able to work on designing.  I’ll have to be better about this coming week.

Related posts:

1. Weekly Goals: Week of 6/14/10
2. Weekly Goals Review: Week of 6/7/10
3. Weekly Goals Review: Week of 6/27/10

I’m going to try – try I said – to keep up with doing a review of the goals I set for the last week.  I did pretty well this past week actually.

This was my goal list for last week…

• Biggest goal – to get back into the swing of designing again.  I have been gone from the digiscrap industry for 3 years now.  My last release under my own name was back in 2007 and prior to that I didn’t release a lot of things (always wrapped up in the backend technical admin of various sites).  So just DESIGNING… is going to be my biggest goal for awhile.
  DONE – I’m excited to say I met this goal.  I was able to design 3 days of the week.  That’s a great step for me actually.  My eventual plan is try and design some every day… but for now 3 days was a great accomplishment.
• Blogging regularly – I actually created a weekly blogging calendar for myself. lol!  Maybe that will kick me in the ass to blog more. I was never a very good blogger so this is a bit scary.  lol!
  DONE - I actually met this one too… WOO HOO!!!!
• Finalizing my own store site – I am almost there with this one.  Have some finishing things I need to tweak before I go live with the site.
  DONE -  I got my store up!  I had actually been working on this on and off for the last two weeks… but it needed some final tweaking and testing before I put it out live.  I’m sure there are little things that still need to be tweaked and maybe things that are off a bit… but I’m happy with how it is starting off.  Oh… and I do need to get some products stocked.  LOL!
  

This weeks personal goals

• Keep up with the cool running program. 20 minutes. M – W -F
  DONE - I was able to stay with this for M-W-F.  I think I may walk on T and Th just not do the running part.  Maybe more of an aerobic walk.
• Start lifting weights again. 20 minutes. T-Th
  NOPE - I didn’t do this part.  I think maybe this will come after I get my walking more regular.  I was afraid I’d be sore and jinx my walking… so I’m going to put this on hold.
• Do the Creativity Boot Camp every day.  My intention is to release whatever I design as a freebie. I *really* want to do this.
  NOPE – I did the first two days of this and then from there it went downhill.  Not because I didn’t make time… but because the bootcamp turned out to be geared mostly for photographers.  The prompts weren’t all that inspiring to me.  So I consciously made the choice to not do this and spent that time designing for the DSO July Pick Ur Bits.
• Sit outside for an hour every day and read.  I’d like to finish the ChiRunning/ChiWalking books.
  DONE – I wasn’t able to sit outside every day because it rained 3 of the days this week.  lol!  But I did make it outside the days it didn’t rain for an hour and finished the ChiWalking book.  I plan on reading the ChiRunning next week.
• Clean one of my kids rooms.  Last week I did Sam’s.  This week I should get into Dan’s. It’s a complete disaster!
  SORT OF - I didn’t get into Dan’s room all the way like I wanted to. But I did have the kids pull out all the clothes that don’t fit anymore.  So two bags of clothes were donated this week.  A little progress…

And this is my horoscope for today.

You might believe that changing your attitude is all that’s necessary now, but unfortunately breaking free from old habits is not that straightforward. Your current responsibilities could require hard physical work, too. Today’s New Moon in your 6th House of Details indicates that you will be more successful if you take many small steps instead of trying to reach the summit in one big leap.

I think it rings true for me.  I’m trying to break some old habits and get back into enjoying my little daily successes.  Small steps every day this past week have put me on track for my new journey.  It’s not about the destination for me… it’s about the journey and the little steps I’m taking along the path.  Yeah… mushy… I know even for me.  But I’ve come from such a dark place it’s time to be more positive again even if that means mushy.

Related posts:

1. Weekly Goals Review: Week of 6/14/10
2. Weekly Goals Review: Week of 6/21/10
3. Weekly Goals: Week of 6/7/10

I’ve been chatting with Dr. Cates over the past couple of weeks.  It’s actually been therapetic for me and has helped get me designing again and {gasp}.. not just ToDo listing but actual goal setting! Who knew she could be all that and a bag of chips?!?

So when Bunny posted that DSO was having a designer call… I thought “why the hell not apply? I don’t have anything better to do.”… LOL!

Seriously I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to take another step back in the digiscrap community.  Hang with a different (and I mean different in a good kinda of way…I think) digi crowd.  Trying to get my name back out there…

DSO is in the midst of a redesign (thank God I don’t have to do that admin… woo hoo!) and will be “relaunching” on July 1st.  I’ll run an official sale then… maybe I’ll actually have some more product up to be able to put on sale.  lol!

*Sales Plug* – I do have the Fresh Start collection up at DSO and on sale for $3.99 this week though… so if you wanted to grab that at a low price…

Anyway… Bunny gave me a warm welcome on the DSO blog … although I seriously think she might have been popping something – definitely drinking – when she wrote the post… lol!

Here’s a little blurb….

DSO is proud to welcome our newest member to the team, Jen Reed!

Every once in a while, I get fantastic surprises in my mail box. When I posted a designer call over on facebook, I about fell outta my chair when Jen replied.  Jen, my friends, is amazing.  Not just amazing as in a good designer, but amazing as in good PERSON.  I have admired her, her work ethics, and her work since I began designing and I am so pleased she wanted to sell at DSO when she got back into the digi-biz.

Read more of Bunny’s welcome here

I am a bit speechless… wasn’t expecting that much moosh… lol!  But I am thrilled nonetheless and wanted to share. lol!

Thanks for the welcome Bunny!

Side note:  I do find it funny that wordpress thinks the “obvious you’re not performing” post is related to this one… hmmm…

Related posts:

1. What’s NEW at DSO this week…
2. September 2010 Ad Challenge @ DSO
3. New Design Blog for Jen Reed Designs

Just came across this photo….

Personally I find the photo eerily amazing.  Several MJ fans have raised money to purchase a fly-by banner for April 5th at the courthouse.  The above photoshopped photo shows how the banner will look flying over the courthouse. I really hope they go through with it.

I personally believe that Murray should be charged with 2nd Degree Murder not involuntary manslaughter.  There is nothing “involuntary” about giving drugs to a patient in a harmful way.  Michael Jackson needed to be treated for his insomnia not put to sleep with anesthesia. The prescription drug problem in this country is out of control. More and more doctors are enabling instead of treating.  These doctors need to be held responsible for their actions regardless of who the patient is or what they may have asked for.

I get that MJ played a part in all of this by requesting or going along with the sedation.  But ultimately it is the DOCTOR (if you can call Murray that) that gives the final approval and hands out the prescription.  In this case, it even goes a step further because Conrad Murray administered the drugs.  Murray should not only go to jail but he should lose his medical license – in all states not just California.

This whole situation is comparable to putting your pet to sleep.  The vet gives your pet an overdose of anesthesia and it slowly stops their heart. Now tell me MJ wanted that? I don’t think so. He just wanted to get some rest.

Anesthesia is a pharmacologically induced reversible state of amnesia, analgesia, loss of responsiveness, loss of skeletal muscle reflexes and decreased stress response. Deep sedation analgesia: “Drug-induced depression of consciousness during which patients cannot be easily aroused but respond purposefully following repeated or painful stimulation.” Patients may sometimes be unable to maintain their airway and breathe on their own.

Based on that definition, the caregiver (and I say that mockingly in Murray’s case) would and should be entirely responsible for the care and well being of the patient while that patient is under anesthesia.  Imagine if you underwent surgery and all the doctors left the room to make phone calls while you were under?  Left you there unsupervised without any monitoring devices? Left you as your heart decreased beats and your lungs stopped functioning?  That’s what Murray did.

Murray sedated Michael to a state of “drug-induced depression of consciousness during which patients cannot be easily aroused” and is now claiming he has no responsibility for that?  That is just bullshit.

Say what you will about Michael Jackson… no one deserves to be treated that way.  No one.

#Justice4MJ

And before you say this is just a celebrity problem, think about how many relatives in your own family have had issues regarding their doctor prescribing too much medication? I know both Rick and I have grandmothers whose doctors over-prescribed medication.

Both of our grandmothers (at the end) were so drugged out of their minds they couldn’t function. And in both cases, when confronted by the family their reaction was “My doctor prescribed this for me and I’m going to take it.”  Shit…  their mentality was simple “since a doctor prescribed it, it must be right?”  You can’t ever question your doctor.  He’s the doctor.

Most doctors do not take into consideration other drugs the patient may be taking or how these drugs will interact with each other.   I’ve seen it in my own family.  In the case of my Dad, the last weeks before he died, he had been prescribed Vicodin for his knees.  The prescription was so strong that he was basically drugged up for weeks – not functioning at all – he couldn’t stay awake for more than 30 minutes.  The final straw for me was when he fell asleep at the table during my girls 3 year old birthday party.  I told my mom (who was so close to the situation that she couldn’t see it) that this was NOT NORMAL – it was NOT RIGHT.  She needed to take him off the Vicodin or severely reduced the amount he was taking (that he had been prescribed).  She took him off it and he became lucid again and more like himself.

It’s so easy to say things like “Michael Jackson was an addict.” or “Michael Jackson ASKED for it.” or “Michael Jackson deserved it.” or “Who the fuck goes under anesthesia to get sleep and rest?”… I’ve said them all myself actually.  But after reading more about MJ (and not the tabloid journalism crap), I began to see that he was not the monster portrayed in the press and that all he really needed was someone to stand up to him and help him.

We as a society threw him away and now we as a society are saying he doesn’t deserve justice.  That just ain’t right.

We all deserve forgiveness, compassion, understanding and justice.  And so does Michael Jackson.

April 5th.

#Justice4MJ

Related posts:

1. Michael Jackson, forgive me…
2. We are the World – Michael Jackson Demo Version
3. This is It

Well it looks like Shawn Michaels is officially retiring after last night’s “Career vs Streak” match with the Undertaker.  My two favorite wrestlers of all time are Shawn and Taker so if Shawn is leaving, going out to the Undertaker is the way to go, IMHO.  Still sad.

Rick and I were at Wrestlemania 13 in Chicago when Undertaker beat Sid Vicious.  Got my official Undertaker shirt (that has since disappeared)… but last night, I was wearing my Shawn shirt. Hoping that Shawn would pull out the win…

But after several kick-outs when Shawn knelt before the Taker and Taker didn’t want to pin him… somehow I knew… I had seen it before… the look in the eyes… the pleading… Shawn pleaded for Undertaker to just DO IT…

Rick Flair had also begged a hesitant Shawn not too long ago to “end it” too.  Flair went out to Michaels and Michaels has now gone out to Taker.

I have mixed feelings…  I think it’s great to see Shawn, my HBK, go out on top.  He really is retiring as The Show Stopper and Mr. Wrestlemania.

Flair needed to retire a long time before he “did”… he lost his shine… I say “did” because he is now back wrestling on TNA these days looking half past dead. He supposedly pissed all his money away and can’t retire.  hmmm…

It was also nice to see Bret and Shawn make amends. Their feud was real and very personal. Shawn was able to move on but Bret has been living ’97 Survivor Series over and over for the last 13 years and it’s torn his entire life apart.  Wrestlemania 26 tried to wrap everything up in a nice little bow… Bret comes back, Stu gets inducted in the Hall of Fame, Bret and his family beat the hell out of Vince, Bret patches things up with Shawn and then Shawn retires at the top of his game.

INSERT – Top of his game…  Seriously?!? Did you see Shawn’s back flip off the top rope onto Undertaker laying on the announcer’s table? DAMN! I mean DAMN! If that ain’t worth an “ECW Holy Shit!” I don’t know what is… Classic Shawn!

Bret and Shawn won’t ever be close… the history and wounds are too deep.  But hopefully both of them found some peace and can move on with their lives especially Bret who has allowed that one moment in time to define his personal life and has ultimately destroyed him.

Shawn Michaels makes his final walk through the backstage area after Wrestlemania.

Hopefully RAW will have an official Shawn retirement tribute tonight. Mixed feelings for sure…

No related posts.

This is the “We are the World” version they should release.  It’s all Michael.

The one for Haiti is awful…  Most of the people can’t sing or get a “Who the hell is that?” reaction.

Related posts:

1. Justice for Michael Jackson?
2. Michael Jackson, forgive me…
3. This is It

JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL

It has finally hit me. No more music. No more songs. No more dancing.  No more videos. No more albums. No more tours. He’ll never perform on another stage again. His children will never get to grow up with their father. It makes me sad.

Sony plans on releasing new music but it won’t have Michael’s stamp of approval on it.  It just won’t be the same.

Next week (April 5th) will be the beginning of Murray’s trial.  At this point, there really will be no justice even if he is found completely guilty.

It will never be the same.

I’m sorry that I had to lose him to remember how much I loved him.

#justice4mj

FORGIVE ME

Forgive me for not seeing the light until the darkness came; sunny days seem far away.

Forgive me for not keeping the faith; swift and sudden fall from grace.

Forgive me for breaking you; oh God, he’s drifting away.

Forgive me for beLIEving the lies; the T.V. screen don’t make it factual.

Forgive me for trippin; world hunger, no cures, corruption, police brutality, drug addiction

Forgive me for not defending against the slander; everybody wants to read all about it.

Forgive me for not being there; just let me be.

Forgive me for not lending my voice; lie for it, kill for it, die for it

Forgive me for invading; respect’s not given it’s earned.

Forgive me for seeing exactly what I wanted to see; get away from me.

Forgive me for being so damn disrespectable; what do you want from me?

Forgive me for not standing; they were kicking me.

Forgive me for injustice; why can’t I see?

Forgive me for not trusting; L.O.V.E. ain’t what it used to be.

Forgive me for not caring anymore; left for reasons unexplained.

Forgive me for judging; heart of stone.

Forgive me for giving in; just do the things I say.

Forgive me for my abandonment; promised me forever.

Forgive me for not making a change; words are not enough.

Forgive me for not beLIEving; ghosts in the mirror.

Forgive me for the blood on the stairs; who gave me the right?

Forgive me for not giving a damn; is it too late?

Forgive me for hurting you; can’t conceive it.

Forgive me for being a stranger; don’t walk away.

Forgive me for not smiling; my heart is broken.

Whatever happens; don’t let go of my hand.

Related posts:

1. Justice for Michael Jackson?
2. We are the World – Michael Jackson Demo Version

Today’s horoscope seems awfully on target with my life… Interesting when that happens…

I have been fascinated with horoscopes since I was little.  I’ve got a bit of my Dad in me.

Jan. 29 Capricorn Horoscope

You’ve got something to say, and you won’t be able to hold it back another second.  This has been a long time coming, but with the stars’ intense emotional energy arriving this morning, keeping quiet any longer isn’t necessary, and won’t be possible.  You’re being asked to express yourself, and knowing you, you’ll find a gracious, affable way to do it — even if what emerges is a good-bye.  You have to do this.  Now do it.

Wow…

But I think I’ll pull a Costanza instead and do the opposite of what I would normally do.  I’ll just do and say nothing… well… maybe just a quick Goodbye as it really has been a long time coming.

No related posts.

When I walked into Walmart today, I saw the Michael Jackson’s “This is It” DVD right in front.  I have been waiting for this to come out and was going to pick it up from Amazon.  But when I saw it right there, of course, I could not resist and bought it.

I fully admit it… I am a big Michael Jackson fan.  I don’t know why his death hit me so hard.  But it did.

It was not shocking or even surprising to me but just incredibly sad.  The week(s) following his death I was glued to the TV watching MJ as much as possible.  I watched various Jackson tributes and shows and all his videos and played his music all the time… I even read his updated biography this past July.  I don’t know why I was so MJ crazed but I was.

My kids now know who he was and even my 5 year old can recognize his music and his face.  This is something that I thought I’d never to admit to anyone.  I’m not one of those crazy Michael Jackson fans though (you know the ones I’m talking about) but I must admit that I have been borderline fanatical about him over the past months.  I thought about going to see “This is It” in the show but ended up passing on it knowing I was for sure going to buy the DVD.

BUT…   I also know that Michael was a broken person.

In the end he just could not overcome his personal problems and it ultimately killed him.  I don’t know if he was guilty of the pedophile crap but I do know that he did nothing to stop the madness surrounding it.  And instead, he did things to amplify the perception of guilt.  He could have “normalized” himself enough to end that witch hunt.

But he didn’t.

It’s almost like he relished in the pain of it.  He wanted his personal life to be the poster child for “look at me, my life sucks, take pity on me” while he wanted his professional life to be “I am on top of the world, hear me roar.”  That’s a dangerous combination.

Right after his death, I wanted to know where his family was in all this.. where was the intervention?  I mean come on… when you write songs that have the lyrics of

Relax
This won’t hurt you
Before I put it in
Close your eyes and count to ten
Don’t cry
I won’t convert you
There’s no need to dismay
Close your eyes and drift away

Demerol
Demerol
Oh God he’s taking demerol
Demerol
Demerol
Oh God he’s taking demerol

He’s tried
Hard to convince her
To be over what he had
Today he wants it twice as bad
Don’t cry
I won’t resent you
Yesterday you had his trust
Today he’s taking twice as much

Isn’t he screaming for help here?  And that wasn’t even a recent song… it’s off his 1997 album.  He was standing in a crowded room of “friends” screaming at the top of his lungs for help so why didn’t someone help him?

I’ve been watching the Jackson Family Dynasty show since it came out a month or so ago.  Wow… is that family fucked up.  I think they really thought that show was going to help the public perception of the Jacksons.  It did anything but.   All it showed was how all of them are so wrapped around their own personal desires and egos.  It’s all about me, me, me… no wonder these people couldn’t help Michael.  They are lost themselves.  It’s very similar to how Paula Abdul thought her reality show would “help explain how mistreated she was”. Instead that show is the likely catalyst for why she is no longer on Idol.

So why didn’t anyone else help Michael?  Someone, anyone?? I think people did actually try to help him.  But the hard reality of it is that he didn’t really want to be helped.  Any broken person must WANT to be helped – truly helped – if it’s going to work.  Eventually the people who were really in his corner – the ones truly looking out for his best interests – either gave up or he threw them away.  It’s definitely a tough place to be in as I’ve learned in my own personal life.

Was Micheal broken?  Yes.  For a very long time.

Was Michael the best performer EVER?  Absolutely! And he’ll be for a very long time.

I’m definitely looking forward to watching “This is It” later tonight.  I’ve heard it’s amazing.  And I know for sure that I’ll cry.

Related posts:

1. Justice for Michael Jackson?
2. Michael Jackson, forgive me…

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