Today’s horoscope seems awfully on target with my life… Interesting when that happens…

I have been fascinated with horoscopes since I was little.  I’ve got a bit of my Dad in me.

Jan. 29 Capricorn Horoscope

You’ve got something to say, and you won’t be able to hold it back another second.  This has been a long time coming, but with the stars’ intense emotional energy arriving this morning, keeping quiet any longer isn’t necessary, and won’t be possible.  You’re being asked to express yourself, and knowing you, you’ll find a gracious, affable way to do it — even if what emerges is a good-bye.  You have to do this.  Now do it.

Wow…

But I think I’ll pull a Costanza instead and do the opposite of what I would normally do.  I’ll just do and say nothing… well… maybe just a quick Goodbye as it really has been a long time coming.

When I walked into Walmart today, I saw the Michael Jackson’s “This is It” DVD right in front.  I have been waiting for this to come out and was going to pick it up from Amazon.  But when I saw it right there, of course, I could not resist and bought it.

I fully admit it… I am a big Michael Jackson fan.  I don’t know why his death hit me so hard.  But it did.

It was not shocking or even surprising to me but just incredibly sad.  The week(s) following his death I was glued to the TV watching MJ as much as possible.  I watched various Jackson tributes and shows and all his videos and played his music all the time… I even read his updated biography this past July.  I don’t know why I was so MJ crazed but I was.

My kids now know who he was and even my 5 year old can recognize his music and his face.  This is something that I thought I’d never to admit to anyone.  I’m not one of those crazy Michael Jackson fans though (you know the ones I’m talking about) but I must admit that I have been borderline fanatical about him over the past months.  I thought about going to see “This is It” in the show but ended up passing on it knowing I was for sure going to buy the DVD.

BUT…   I also know that Michael was a broken person.

In the end he just could not overcome his personal problems and it ultimately killed him.  I don’t know if he was guilty of the pedophile crap but I do know that he did nothing to stop the madness surrounding it.  And instead, he did things to amplify the perception of guilt.  He could have “normalized” himself enough to end that witch hunt.

But he didn’t.

It’s almost like he relished in the pain of it.  He wanted his personal life to be the poster child for “look at me, my life sucks, take pity on me” while he wanted his professional life to be “I am on top of the world, hear me roar.”  That’s a dangerous combination.

Right after his death, I wanted to know where his family was in all this.. where was the intervention?  I mean come on… when you write songs that have the lyrics of

Relax
This won’t hurt you
Before I put it in
Close your eyes and count to ten
Don’t cry
I won’t convert you
There’s no need to dismay
Close your eyes and drift away

Demerol
Demerol
Oh God he’s taking demerol
Demerol
Demerol
Oh God he’s taking demerol

He’s tried
Hard to convince her
To be over what he had
Today he wants it twice as bad
Don’t cry
I won’t resent you
Yesterday you had his trust
Today he’s taking twice as much

Isn’t he screaming for help here?  And that wasn’t even a recent song… it’s off his 1997 album.  He was standing in a crowded room of “friends” screaming at the top of his lungs for help so why didn’t someone help him?

I’ve been watching the Jackson Family Dynasty show since it came out a month or so ago.  Wow… is that family fucked up.  I think they really thought that show was going to help the public perception of the Jacksons.  It did anything but.   All it showed was how all of them are so wrapped around their own personal desires and egos.  It’s all about me, me, me… no wonder these people couldn’t help Michael.  They are lost themselves.  It’s very similar to how Paula Abdul thought her reality show would “help explain how mistreated she was”. Instead that show is the likely catalyst for why she is no longer on Idol.

So why didn’t anyone else help Michael?  Someone, anyone?? I think people did actually try to help him.  But the hard reality of it is that he didn’t really want to be helped.  Any broken person must WANT to be helped – truly helped – if it’s going to work.  Eventually the people who were really in his corner – the ones truly looking out for his best interests – either gave up or he threw them away.  It’s definitely a tough place to be in as I’ve learned in my own personal life.

Was Micheal broken?  Yes.  For a very long time.

Was Michael the best performer EVER?  Absolutely! And he’ll be for a very long time.

I’m definitely looking forward to watching “This is It” later tonight.  I’ve heard it’s amazing.  And I know for sure that I’ll cry.

OnlyWire allows automatic submissions to the top social bookmarking sites with a click of a button.  I usually submit my links manually (digg, twitter, facebook, etc.) but thought I’d give this little tool a try and see what happens.  I might have to remove facebook because I believe I already have my facebook attached to my blog postings – I just can’t remember.  Sad.

You can use the OnlyWire service for free if you add an only-wire widget to your website.  Here’s the OnlyWire WordPress Plugin.